https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mNjTO0agJ0 The commercial that I chose to use for my speech was one for "Bud Light". The first thing that jumps out after the first time that I watched the commercial was the fact that the authors main way of attracting the audience was with the use of humor. Furthermore, the setting of the commercial, in an office, makes it even more humorous. The purpose of the commercial is to, of course, have people buy bud light. However, the way this commercial tries to accomplish this is by making the audience laugh. Therefore, any time someone goes to buy beer, or even thinks about beer, they think about the commercial and of course associate it with bud light. The audience is so broad in this sort of area because there are so many people in the country who regularly drink beer. There is a sense of community in the office that gives an empathetic approach to the commercial. Many people know what it is like to work in an office like t...
1. What is your overall impression?
ReplyDelete2. What are the 3-5 most important areas for improvement? You can take assignment rubrics (analysis and synthesis, organization, use of sources, and completeness and mechanics) as a basis for your suggestions. Your suggestions have to be concrete and specific. That means, you cannot simply make general comments like “you can improve the organization of your essay” or “you need to improve transition.” You need to show where and provide some concrete ways for improvement.
1. My overall impression of this paper was that it was well written. The introduction was really good and made me want to keep reading. As I continued on, I felt that your paragraphs were getting smaller and smaller. I feel like you put them in there for a reason so you should try to extend on with them and make them more intriguing.
2. Your organization was excellent. I think where you need to improve would just be adding more detail to your paragraphs because they were super short and although there's nothing wrong with that I just felt like I needed to read more about that. For example, your visual paragraphs could use more and I think I marked other places too where I just said to add just a little bit more.
There were some places where I just gave you suggestions to use a different word. I think at one point you said "things" and you could say something like "components" just to make it sound better. Something else I thought you could do would be to talk a little more about your quotes and why you chose them because they are all good quotes but I feel like you say the quote and give one sentence and that's it.
I really like how you use language that is interesting to read and you switch it up a bit when you give that one passage from the article. Overall I don't have too many comments other that just making it a little bit more detailed and adding on to some of those shorter paragraphs. I don't think you have much to improve on. I understood everything you were trying to say in your paper. I liked reading about it too it was interesting!!
My overall impression of your paper was that it was very well done. You included a lot of textual evidence, you also included a lot of good points in your paragraphs. There were somethings however that weren't as good, somethings that you need to just improve on. One of those things would be looking at how to center your title page more, and finally other one would be just trying to make some of your paragraphs a bit longer to create more evidence.
ReplyDeleteThe first topic you should improve on would be having a improved title page, having this improved title page will help you reach the APA guidelines. Your title page is good except for you just need to make the information in the middle of the screen more centered, it just looks like it's a bit higher than it should be. Everything else looks very good, especially the structure for the rest of paper.
Also in the paper I managed to see that you didn't make your paragraphs very long or super filled with textual evidence to support a lot of your claims. A lot of your paragraphs were just simplistic almost, if you have more information to lead to the direct point the reader will be so much more involved in your point.
Otherwise than the things that were listed above your paper was insanely good!